Despair

It's really hard to expect someone's reaction to something really dear to one's soul..
So although I'm REAAALLY glad that you liked Lake Placid, I'm kind of nervous about everyone's reaction to this one {Despair }

First of all, it may appear that I'm talking about someone or a certain incident in particular in this poem, but I'm simply pouring out my feelings, or representing them in a symbolical manner.
The point is, I don't really read poetry much and I have only a slight idea about how poets express themselves. But for the first time in my life when I was really depressed, the first thing I did was write, just write.
That's this poem, I started it in a lesson at school and finished it before I went home.
It just had to come out :D lol

So I hope you like it!!

Sorry I went on and on like that :P

I gave up hope for you to come

I headed for home sobbing

A tear dropped on the floor,

BANGING in the silence of my own thoughts

I could hear no one

See no one

Only the voice of my dying wishes

What I couldn't and never will tell you

You never came…. You never will..

Another bang and another whisper "Happy

Anniversary….. NO MORE!"

...

I can see through my heart no more..

It's suddenly so dark inside me, hollow.

A dark, endless cave of unknown

Where only echoes of thoughts and

dead wishes could be heard.

My wishes haunt me eversince: " Happy…

Happy anniversary….Happy anniversary no more!

...

I stopped. Silence froze the place

As the echoes of my footsteps died away..

I stopped to collect my ashes off the floor

I might live no more…. No!

I left them on the floor

I don't want to live anymore!

I lay beside them on the black ice.

Me & my ashes left to freeze on the side walk..

...

I don't know how long I spent there on the freezing floor

In pain.. and numb

Sober… and fast asleep

But I suddenly hear voices.. sounds…. Noise

What's going on?

Oh yes, I can hear people around me now

I can see them too, walking around me

And stepping on me!

I'm invisible.

...

I faught the pain and rose, heading for that tempting corner behind the wall

Where I can see the world but the world can't see me

I still can't feel invisible enough..

...

I stood there watching.

I saw children laughing and playing.

Happy.

They showed me some light. I tried to smile but I couldn't
Instead, I heard a great bang...
Everything went silent again...
No more people..
No more children..
No more light.
My warm tears kept digging their ways through my freezing face.
melting it bit by bit
bang! bang! bang!

...

I closed my eyes & dove inside me
looking for a beam of light
looking for a reason... for hope
It's so dark inside!
The bangs are louder now
And the whispers all around
loud and clear: NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE!!

...

I came to some place full of memories of you and me
all the nice times we spent together
Every nice word we said to each other
The bangs are too loud!!
I can't take it anymore!
Make them stop!
I'm scared.... I'm alone in the darkness of my own.
No company.. No light.. No—you

...

Hey! you came!!
It's not that dark afterall! You're here!!
What took you so long?
Why were you late?
What---
Oh,I see.......you're not real.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Wait! Come back! Don't leave me!
Don't leave me alone here! My dead wishes are still haunting me...
NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE!
They're frightening me! Come back! Please!—

...

I'm alone again.
Will you ever come back?!
I've never missed you like I do now.

...
Enough! I don't want to think anymore.
Enough suffering! Enough pain!
I'll climb out of the dark..
I'll climb into the real world..
I'll leave my heart behind..
I'll leave YOU behind!
Nothing shall hold me back
I shall continue and I shall succeed.

...

I climbed slowly on the thorns inside
I'm going out! I'm leaving all the pain behind
But you're not coming.
It's okay.. I can make it on my own.
Alone...
BANG! BANG! BANG!
The bangs are like thunder inside me..
Too loud! Too loud and too scary!!*

.....